Wedding crashers
Okay....so what's the deal with taking dates to weddings? I am baffled (well, not really, I am just annoyed).I'm perfectly fine with bringing someone as just a friend and I'm perfectly find going by myself, either because I have no one to go with or because I wasn't invited with a guest or whatever. If I'm in the wedding party, I actually prefer NOT to bring someone (unless I was dating someone relatively seriously, which has not occured at the same time that I was in a wedding party) because when in a wedding party you may not get to sit with your date and have other stuff to do, meaning your friend is sort of out of luck. (Come to think of it, part of my confusion may stem from the fact that I have been to 7 weddings in my life and I was in 5 of them. At the other two, almost none of my friends brought dates either.)
But...it's weird to bring someone as a friend to an out of town wedding, isn't it? I mean, it's one thing if it is in town, but quite another if there is serious travelling involved. I'm going to a wedding in my hometown this summer and I am tempted to bring a friend, even though I can think of about a million reasons why it would be awkward/weird/wrong. (And, really, why am I thinking about this now? I have no idea. Probably because I just RSVPed for the shower and bachelorette party this week). The travelling part would be weird, I was planning to stay at my house which would be weird, etc. etc. etc.
At the same time, I am envisioning this as a relatively uncomfortable wedding to be at by myself. I will likely know all of the guests (at least all of the bride, my best friend in high school's guests) but have very few that I keep in touch with now or am particularly excited to see (with the exception of the bride herself and maybe a couple other people...not knowing the full guest list I really have no idea). Most of the people that I knew in high school are married or engaged, so I feel like I will stand out more being there by myself and I may get some rather judgemental questions. The small-town busybody factor will certainly be in effect. Ugh. The whole thing seems icky. But who knows? Maybe I will have a great time at the shower/bachelorette party and be excited to see everyone again at the wedding. The last wedding I went to at home was actually lots of fun. Maybe it will all work out after all.
But anyway...is there a consensus on the "correct" thing to do?
(Suck it up and deal with it, I know...)
posted by Immunegirl @ 12:44 PM
14 Comments:
I don't think it's odd to go to a wedding dateless. Despite having Mr Bob around since high school, I've gone to a couple weddings alone (when we've been in different provinces). It seems less work to go alone unless your friend is one of those amazing people that is comfortable talking to complete strangers. Most of the weddings I've gone to have to had dateless people as well, so that makes it more comfortable.
Now people would actually comment on the fact you are dateless? How rude is that?
Possible answer: "Well, at Harvard, it's just too difficult to pick between all the rich, good-looking, intelligent men who are besotted with me at Harvard"
I don't think it's odd to go to a wedding dateless in general, but I think that it would be at this one.
There were certainly lots of questions at the last hometown wedding I went to. Some were well-meaning questions (of the what are you up to/can I meet the person you're seeing/oh what do you mean you're not seeing anyone type) while others were not so good natured. The group of people attending this wedding is more likely to be the less good natured type.
Catty. Catty is the word I was looking for in my previous comment (instead of less good-natured).
I like your possible answer Bob. :)
I see two options.
1. Stop going to gay clubs, and go out places where you might meet interested men to bring to the wedding.
2. Practice shrugging. The comments of the high school mob mean nothing. They can neither validate nor invalidate you.
If you're not comfortable going alone, take someone, for sure. I don't think I could go to any wedding without a friend (or spouse, whatever). I think it's enviable that you've done so yourself. I'm not nearly mature enough.
Iggy, showing up by yourself shows you have:
A. Standards
and even more impressive,
B. A life
And to add to Bob's list, if anyone is rude enough to ask why you are dateless or even worse, dare ask why you are not married yet simply shut them up by telling them you are too busy sleeping around.
I admire confident women who are at weddings solo. The key is being confident.
Or you could tell them your boyfriend is in Malta conducting business and couldn't make it back on time. Tell them you are flying out tomorrow to join him. :-)
I have never been to a wedding alone so I am bad person to ask. I was always with either family, friend or husband.
If the invitation says "guest" you should be able to bring anyone--a date, a friend, a parent, your uncle Phil--whatever.
"Aren't you sweet to ask? No, I don't have a boyfriend. I really prefer sleeping with married men. Oh! Is that your husband?"
"No, but I was wondering if you were still beating your children?"
"A boyfriend?? *laughing* You can't expect me to pick just one guy!"
"I just couldn't! My girlfriends would be sooooo jealous."
"Nope, but as soon as I win that ebay auction for -insert dreamy actor's name here-'s hairbrush, I'll get busy on the cloning. It will be great! A Nobel prize and a boyfriend (or three)"
"No, not yet. *sympathetic glance at questioner* I would be just so miserable if I had to settle just to be with someone *sympathetic glance at questioner's partner*"
That last idea of Bob's is the best. You should go with that. :)
Seriously, you should take a date/friend if *you* want to. Do what will make *you* happy, not what some uptight bitches want you to do.
Yeah, I kinda like the last one too. Maybe add in a little hand pat.
i like bob's answer.
remember you are a grown woman who does not need to answer to anyone. being single does not make you a freak. it makes you a busy woman who will get around to finding someone to drag to weddings when she darn well feels like making time for such nonsense.
remember that bringing someone might make things worse when you have to answer 'oh, we're just friends...' over and over again.
hey, if you don't like these people, maybe you should come up with a really busy research reason not to be there. send your regards, open a bottle of champagne, and take a bath instead. it will probably be more fun, and it's a lot cheaper. :)
Thanks for the advice guys. It certainly made me feel a little better. I'm definitely going to remember some of Bob's comments.
I like the bride but not many other guests, and I know that I will spend the most time talking with them, not with her. Hopefully it will all work out.
I like Bob's answers, as usual. Was a guest invited? With the cost of weddings these days, sometimes the bride and groom might appreciate you NOT bringing a guest.
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