Conversations
Disclaimer: All of these comments are obviously things that I have recently overheard and are not things that I would have said nor would they have been said by any of my obviously saintly friends in any conversation in which I was involved. Oh no. Definitely not. Not ever. Therefore, no judgement, just laughter. :) Names and details may have been slightly changed to protect the innocent.Recently heard:
#1 "You know, the only reason I'm even ON the goddamn pill anymore is to prevent me against immaculate conception." (Followed by a long conversation on the hazards of being involved in immaculate conception)
#2 "I think I should tell him that at least YOUR platonic non-boyfriend gives you a friendly arm-around-the-shoulders, and see if that spurs him into action. I don't even get a friendly pat on the hand!"
#3 (In response to finding out one's friend had shown up to class dressed identically to their platonic non-boyfriend in very unfortunate sweater vests) "Well, if everyone didn't already assume you were sleeping together, they do now."
Response: "No, if we were sleeping together, we could have coordinated our outfits and ensured that this didn't happen."
Response: "I still have to veto your being interested in a boy that wears sweater vests. It's really lucky for you that I'm so tolerant or I wouldn't even be able to talk to you anymore."
#3 (Conversation)
Speaker 1: The worst part about it is that I have an upcoming gynecologist appointment and I know he's going to ask me if I've had sex since the last time that I saw him and I'm going to have to say no and he's going to wonder why exactly he is still writing the prescription
Speaker 2: You could always lie.
Speaker 1: No, I think that lying to my gynecologist to feel better about myself is really a little too low.
Speaker 2: You could always tell him that it's none of his business.
Speaker 1: You know, there are very few people whose business it is, but I think he might be one of them. That is kind of the point.
Speaker 2: He makes the cut?
Speaker 1: Yes, he does. In fact, thinking about the literal meaning of that phrase, it is ACTUALLY his business in every sense of the word.
LATER:
Speaker 2: Well, if anything actually ends up happening between my platonic non-boyfriend and I, I'll be sure to give him one for me (extra long to make up for lost time) and one for you. And one for your gynecologist. And one for my sweater vest.
#4 "WHAT?? I spent hours writing you that email dissecting the basketball team this year and you thought the most insighful comment was: "We have too many white guys with medium brown hair and single digit numbers. It was really hard to tell them apart."!?!?!?! Grrrr."
#5 (Really old and re-quoted to someone else recently but nevertheless funny) "Realistically, they just don't make any sense. I am now planning on disregarding all signs and not assuming that anyone is interested until they're sticking their tongue down my throat."
#6 "The whole thing seems very middle school. I think you ought to pass him a note in class that says 'Was that a booty call' and has yes and no checkboxes."
posted by Immunegirl @ 5:21 PM
24 Comments:
quote "I am now planning on disregarding all signs and not assuming that anyone is interested until they're sticking their tongue down my throat"
Regardless of what they stick down your throat, they may not be interested in you.
"Hank" (who is obviously my favorite if he is hot)....
Technically, this is true. I would say that in that case, they are interested in at least part of me. However, it certainly eliminates an awful lot of confusing possibilities.
Fortunately for me, I've never been confused by a guy ever. Oh....wait......
I obviously can't be your favorite as you told me yesterday that you would rather have a hot new tech in my place. How about we compromise and get a female hot new tech?
That is not what I said at all.
I said that I would be interested in buying new shoes (potentially to impress a theoretical hot new tech who would take over your desk) as opposed to spending the money to bail you out of jail. You really need to learn how to listen better, Mr. Hot One.
Well worth the chuckle and I'm certain that none of those people are actually real people. That would be impossible.
The chances of knowing one person who is wearing a sweater vest is so small that it is nearly inconcevible that two people would.
Unless they were sleeeping together of course.
Unless they were sleeeping together of course.
Hey, I pulled a zombie!
Poor Iggy. At least you have funny imaginary friends.
It's a sad sad world when there seem to be no nice, ordinary, horny boys in it.
*comforting pat*
Bob: You're exactly right. In fact a little birdie told me that a picture was taken of the imaginary sweater vest wearers and that said picture was emailed to the sweater vest wearer's friend. About 5 minutes after their conversation started, the sweater vest wearer realized that this was a terrible idea and that her friend now had yet another piece of blackmail material to hold over her head. Not that I'd know, of course.
Coco: Yes, at least they are funny. Wouldn't it be sad if this actually was true?
It's a shame the gynecologist conversation was all imaginary because that is really, really funny (but I didn't get the last line)
Poor Iggy.
On the other hand, if you trot ove to my blog, you'll see a whole new definition of sad.
LMAO! You said laughing was alright, right? This was too funny!
*smooches* Iggy.
I find sexually frustrated women to be incredibly funny. Its nice that some of them, with senses of humor, agree.
Yes, men should be sensible enough to realize that women look for signs, buy a decoder ring, and play along. But games that don't involve automatic weaponry or complicated virtual athletics are loosing popularity.
Just be straightforward and honest with guys. We're surprisingly simple - and all of us are equipped to eliminate such frustrations.
My recommendation would be to approach us as you would a retirement portfolio. Distribute your risks. Remember hot and flashy stocks are more likely to turn out to be Enrons or Worldcoms than Googles.
I like #6 it would save so much time and energy! lol
*giggles*
Ha! #5 gave me gigglepants.
Iggy this was such a fun read for a crappy rainy day.
I have to admit. I like a man in nice preppy sweater vest. A woman on the other hand should NEVER AND I MEAN EVER even consider wearing one.
lol...omg..Iggy. It's like an episode of Sex and the City here. Some boys are just stupid and will miss out on a gem like you and others are too shy to say something when they're in front of you but will call you on the phone later and make idiots of themselves.
I think we need an Iggy Sex Ticker cause when it happens, it's going to be explosive *grin*
*smooch*
I have so missed this part of Iggy.
Oh, and would someone please tell Ben that occasionally boys are pretty straight forward and STILL manage to pass confusing signs as the honest truth?
Just because they may appear to be signals, doesn't mean that they were sent as such.
Yes, some jerks pass confusing signals to intentionally manipulate but I assume that reasonable women have some sort of player detector, and have left them out of my generalizations.
Open lines of questioning and communication will dispel any confusing signals. I'm not going to promises that the truth will be rosy, but it's better than investing a lot of time and heartache into trying to start something serious with someone who only sees friendship.
Some of those are a little too close to home. And that's all I'm saying about that...
And heh, #3 reminds me of an exchange some friends had in the morning before one of our first-year classes. Friend A asked Friend B, "Did you have section yesterday?" Except Friend B thought she said, "Did you have sex yesterday?" and was like, "Um, what???" and everyone else was all, "Um, she said, 'section.' Sec-tion." Anyway, it was funny.
Best regards from NY!
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