The end of an era
I am fortunate enough to have a lot of friends that I keep in touch with from college. Included amongst those friends is a group of eight girls (nine including myself) that is a very close group. While there are members of the group that are closer than others and there have always been large and small issues within the group as would be expected with a group this size, we are still quite close. We try to get together ~twice a year and we otherwise keep in touch by email and phone calls. Actually, the main reason why I started this blog was as a way to keep the members of this group caught up with the day-to-day details of my life to stop me from writing excessively long emails. The last time we all were together was at one of the group's wedding over Memorial Day weekend, the time before that was her bridal shower and the time before that was New Year's Eve 2005.There were a few cracks starting to show as we planned the New Year's get together. At that time we had one woman who was married, one who was engaged, one who was in a long-term relationship and six who were in varying states of singleness (recent, longtime, happy, unhappy). Everything worked out in the end, but there was definitely some discussion (sometimes not entirely in the open) about the appropriateness of bringing significant others to our get together. The question of "Are our reunions girls-only?" started to become significant, even if some of that discussion went on behind the scenes. In the end we worked it out and had a "girls only" New Year. Our first real co-ed reunion was at the wedding this May.
A couple of days ago I received a phone call from one of the other girls in the group telling me that she and her husband were expecting a baby. Obviously, I am very excited for them. At the same time, I was a little bit (selfishly) sad to hear their news. I wonder how this will affect our little group's relationship. There were certainly rumblings of discontent about girls-only versus co-ed get togethers before (though not over the wedding, which was obviously co-ed. Sort of.) but I can see this being a much bigger deal. Among the nine of us, there are varied opinions on children...some people really love and want children and others very much do not want them and do not enjoy them. I think that any discontent that happens this time will not end up being "behind the scenes" but will be right out in the open and could cause a lot more damage.
There is talk about getting together sometime this spring before she has the baby. I wonder what will happen after that? How do these things usually work out?
posted by Immunegirl @ 5:54 PM
18 Comments:
You may have a bit of a break from the entire group while the kids are babies. But you can still get as many together as possible. and once the kids get a bit older then the girls can start to come out again.
There is nothing wrong with girls only weekends. They just may not be the same holidays that you are used to.
Change is hard, Bree. We learn to adapt to it the older we get.
*smooch*
Thanks Carey. :) I feel bad for not being 100% excited. Thanks for understanding. *smooch*
I can relate. Several of my friends have had kids by now and one desperately wants to have one this week.
I'm happy I've stayed friends with them. It is different. There is a move from late night drinking/poker to picnic lunches/ killer croquet.
You have to adapt, but Mr Bob and I stayed with Coco for a week when Dominic was one and we all had a great time. It was very comforting to realise we were still good friends after spending 5 years in different cities. They visited us too, which was super nice, but I think it's easist to visit the family with kids.
It is different and you have to expect things to change a lot.
as a member of said group, i think we'll learn to adapt. we've been through entirely too much together to let a few squalling young'ns get in the way of booze, boys and basketball :) buck up miss bree, and it'll all be good. i promise. oh, and don't expect either of the following two announcements from me in the near future: (1) i'm engaged OR (2) i'm having a baby. Do however, expect an invite to my crazy old cat lady house in charleston :P
I think ditching the sig figs at times is a great idea.
Carey is right. And the nice thing about having such a group of friends as a mom is knowing you have someone to escape the kid(s) with. And that is important to ALL moms.
Actually scrap my previous post. Coco has been much too cossetted by the preganacy.
It's aaaaawwwwfuuulllll.
They make you change diapers and they poke the child with pins so it will scream all night in your ear because the parents caqn't handle thought that anyone else can sleep.
Even though I have kids, I still prefer doing things with my girlfriends, *without* the kids. My guess is, after the first couple months, your friend will too. It will change things, as her accessability won't be the same, and her interests may change somewhat, but you can work through it, and remain close.
PSA: Baby watch in Coco's blog as she has headed to hospital (finally-sheesh).
That kind of makes me sad. I'm sorry, Iggy. These relationships will inevitably change, but there are things you can do to help. First, holidays will always be an issue. Start scheduling a few weekends that fall on different non-active times of the year. And maybe it can't be a whole weekend deal...Maybe just a Saturday evening-Sunday morning thing.
My sister still does this with a group of friends she's had since her late teens. The early 30s were tough, but now they are in their late 30s & still ditch the families/kids a few times per year to have fun shopping, dining out & such.
Some people, sometimes
Some follow circles and some follow lines
Time and time and time again
circles break and lines they bend
And you, you got to let it go.
I have many friends from the past and some of us still hang out some don't Some people grow in different directions. As close as it seems you have all stayed I bet the majority of you will remain friends forever.
*hugs*
Iggy darling, first, I love you. I think you are wonderful. Now that that is out of the way, you will discover as you get older, friendships are not constant. There will be different people who mean different things to you at different stages of your life. Different is not a bad thing. Growth is difficult but it is part of a healthy life.
You should try your best to be sensitive to your mom to be friend, and likewise, once she has the baby she should try her best to be sensitive you. I will say this, once you become a mom something fundamental changes. But my best friend (from college) is still single and has yet to experience motherhood. When I call her I try my best not to have the baby screaming in the background and not to talk about baby/mom things. Hopefully your friend will be able to do the same.
But like I said, growth is healthy and with growth comes change. Try your best not to qualify it.
(And you *are* entitled not be super excited over your friends pregnancy. It is natural to feel a loss.)
*hug*
Babies and husbands do change things, it's a fact. But if you and your friends love each other enough and want to remain friends, you can work it out. It won't be the same as it used to be, but that is to be expected. You're all growing up, and so are your relationships. Believe me, I know how it is to be the single one when everyone else is settling down. Hopefully it will work out for both of us. *hugs and smooches*
The Monstah said exactly what I wanted to say only much more eloquently than I could have.
Our close friends recently separated and I remember feeling sad and disappointed on a purely selfish level as well as for the failure of their marriage. As time passed the selfish part over the loss of them as a couple faded. Life changes and goes on.
*hugs*
I have some friends who are single, or in varing stages of singlness/relationshipness, and then I also have those who are like me with a child.
We always try to make a point every couple of months to get together without the kids and the SO's. For some girl time without having to worry about someone else.
Ditto what everyone else said. As a mom I love spending time away from kids and spouse. It is great to just gossip about others and not have to cut someone's dinner up.
The reunion may take place less often but it will still be just as fun!
Plus I find that I relish the infrequent get together so much more than if it happened all the time.
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP »
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